Want to know a sometimes sad truth that you probably already know, but I’m going to tell it to you but in more detail anyway? Yes? Okay, cool.
Sometimes we have friends or even best friends for only a season. I knew these two girls who were best friends and I’m not sure exactly what happened between them, but all of a sudden, they were no longer friends. I came to understand that one’s actions or ways just wasn’t aligning with the other. That or she was trying to break away from such things.
I remember at the time I had told one of them that maybe she should have talked to her friend upfront, instead of having her friend potentially hurt and confused about the sudden distance between them.
I was younger then but now I believe that depending on the situation and the friend’s personality, sometimes not all circumstances need explaining. Not every relationship should be nurtured if an individual’s personality or ways of life doesn’t or no longer coexists with who you are, who you’re trying to become, or your future goals. Sometimes the reality is that you just have to let go of the past and the people in it.
Now, I’m not saying start dropping your friends like hot cakes, but maybe taking some time apart will allow you to evaluate your thoughts or help you determine how much better or worse you were without them.
Looking back, since I did say something to one of the girls, I wish I would have told her that it’s okay to remove yourself from a situation you no longer want to be a part of. The truth is, leaving could have been very hard and hurtful for her.
Maybe you’ve wanted to remove yourself from a bad friendship or from one where the friend is hindering you from growing successfully or intellectually, but you don’t know how to go about doing it or you’re worried about hurting feelings or burning bridges. You come up with countless reasons why you want to keep your friend(s) close..
We’ve been friends since elementary school…
S/he always has my back…
They are so fun to be around. I don’t think I’ll find anyone else like her/him…
I don’t want to lose them; I’m sure they’ll change…
Trust me, I get it! Remember that through all the stages of life we are constantly changing and not everyone we once saw eye-to-eye with will always be on the same page as us.
Follow these 6 guidelines to excuse yourself from an
- Pray about the situation and ask the Lord to move you in the right direction based on your specific circumstance(s). Find and read devotionals and scriptures that resonate with you.
- Determine how you feel before and immediately after spending time with your friend(s). Were you excited? Were you dreading it? Did you feel badly, miserable, or held back afterwards?
- Determine the pros and cons of the friendship as a whole (all parties including you). How does your friend make you feel about yourself? Is s/he a positive or negative person? Does your friend(s) add to or take away from your personage, value, or goals? What is your part in the friendship? Do you have any skeletons to admit?
- Spend less time with them and less time talking to them to see how you manage without him/her.Are you happier and flourishing? Are you more optimistic about yourself and life?
- If needed, talk to your friend(s) and explain to them how you’re feeling and why you believe that your friendship has reached the end of its season.
- Walk away and move forward, forgive, and begin the healing process. The outcome of the decision might be harder than expected. Spend time talking to God and ask Him to heal you from the emotional pain you might endure and to allow you to forgive your friend and/or yourself for the unhealthiness caused in the friendship. Thank Him for your friend for that season of life and for the growth He is leading you towards.
God places people in our lives to teach us lessons along the way. He doesn’t intend for all of them to remain in our lives forever.
Not everyone is a kindred spirit.
Learn who you are and befriend those who will accept you for every bit of you and those who enhance your greatness, goals, and character.
So, let’s talk!..
I believe that healthy friendships are utterly important in our lives and would like to have more discussions about them, but I want to hear from you!
What are some things that you would like me to discuss about friendships?
Need advice? I’m here to help!
The Biblical Scoop!
“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” – Corinthians 15:33
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24